nomadic thoughts

School’s in! My two year hiatus has come to an end. And In just two weeks I have been reminded of the stimulation that is attributed to my deep love for school. The class of interest this semester is titled “Zen; Eastern Theater”. On the first day I knew I was in for a treat when my professor instructed me to keep a monologue in my back pocket for the time he calls on me at random for a performance. I love challenges, I love performing. Not as a form of attention but as a form of creative expression.

The subject of the class is two-fold as the title suggests. Zen meditation and Eastern Theater (specifically Noh Theater). Noh Theater is a form of Japanese “theater” that is a collaborative delivery of one of approximately 250 stories. It is presented through deliberate precise movements, chanting, and musical instrumentation. It is highly structured and the individualism can be said to be displayed as a collaborative effort of all the participants as opposed to a single individual. The main actor wears a mask to portray certain emotions and adjusts the angle of the mask to show the audience slightly different emotions from the same mask. It is a highly interpretive form of theatre in the sense that the audience may see a production, see it ten years later, and have two drastically different interpretations based on their life’s experiences.

The actors spend years mastering the techniques of movement. From the simple act of walking to showing complex emotion with simple gestures, it takes YEARS to master and an unbelievable amount of discipline. To me, it is a reflection of the Japanese culture.

Before the subject of Zen Meditation, a short description of my former experience with meditation. I used to occasionally mediditate traditionally. When I was in the Navy I went on a five day water fast and to help get me through it I meditated. There is no quiet on an operation ship. But on a particular session I went topside while we were sailing in the Pacific Ocean. We were hundreds of miles from any land, it was pitch black, and warm. The bow of the ship made quiet splashing sounds as it cut through the water. I found a location by the engine stacks to sit and meditate. After my usual routine of clearing my head and calming my soul I suddenly disappeared from this consciousness. My only recollection was suddenly “coming to”. I didn’t know how much time had passed – it could have been five minutes or five hours. I had absolutely no sense of how much time had passed. This was the farthest I ever got in meditating. I was later told by a Tibetan Monk that my experience was foolish and unguided. In so many words. Onward.

The other part of the class is Zen Meditation. The two subjects are obviously closely linked: the art of meditation calms the soul and spirit and helps clear the mind. These are necessary for the development of skills necessary to perform Noh Theater. Before this class I haven’t meditated in more than two years. I never had to necessarily sit down in a quiet place to meditate; I have been able to meditate while watching TV, sitting in class, driving… and from the two weeks in this class I have realized that I have always benefited from meditating in ways I never knew before. For one, we sit in a very uncomfortable position. A painful position that does permanent nerve damage (albeit nothing detrimental) to your feet. You sit with your knees facing forward and parallel to one another with your calves bent underneath them and the top of your feet facing the floor. So all of your weight is resting on your calves putting a lot of pressure on your feet. I think this is what initiated my vision/realization. It was the 4th or 5th session and I had gotten to the point where I was able to completely melt away all thoughts and settle the turbulent light and sights I saw in my minds eye.

I was able to drift away from the pain in my legs to a place in mind that can only be described as emptiness. It was in this moment that I felt my soul begin to radiate from my body upward. Imagine a translucent flame dancing in slow motion, with no jagged edges. Simply dancing above me – while attached to my body – in harmony. Then I begin to feel the presence of others and imagining the state of my classmate’s souls. Who’s mind was in a state of disarray of turbulence? I saw these souls not as radiant, and more contained, not moving as graceful but as if it was a nervous, unpredictable movement. Then for a moment I saw my soul and the soul of another branch out and dance together gracefully, momentarily. The pain in my legs was gone. It gave me a feeling of universal consciousness.

It was after this that I connected my meditating to the recent health and happiness of my psyche and soul. My sensei has repeated on many occasions to let all the negative thoughts drift away. Things are never as bad as they seem. And he is right. We become accustomed to going through the day filling our heads with negative thoughts. This is a drain on your mind and your soul. Over the course of two years – without realization – I had fallen into this behavior. Which is so unlike me. I can make connections to what has attributed to this state, but the point is, it took 3-4 meditation sessions to reverse all of this. I feel so grateful that something so available and simple has done so much in terms of the health of my mind and soul. With the guidance of one very enlightened man I have in a very short time turned around the way my mind approaches problems/situations/events. I can only hope that it will not be forgotten very easily and that I continue to grow for the remainder of the class.

As for the pain – it is something I have come to appreciate. Pain is humbling and it helps put things in perspective. Similar to a fast. The sacrifice you make for yourself and if you believe in one – your God/higher power – is something to be proud of. To endure and overcome. It’s a lesson in endurance that can be applied to almost every facet of your life.

Due to a series of injuries I haven’t had many opportunities to spend wanted time in the wilderness in the past couple months. Last night I did some exploring in the Uintas and made a visit to the site I camped for two weeks when I first moved to Utah around this time last year. The site was situated about 100 yards from a mountain reservoir and this year it hadn’t frozen over. It had been a while since I felt truly alive again so I thought it would be nice to go for a swim! The lake was at about 7800 ft and the temperature outside was -8 degrees. The water however was about 40 so the temperature differential between the water and air had created a very intense steamy fog that was rising from the water. My friend immediately asked me “are these hot springs?!” Haha, “No” I replied.

I stripped down to my boxers and started to walk in from the shore and felt a sharp shock run up my body starting at my feet and ending at my shoulders the moment my feet hit the water. I kept going, steadfast, until I had gotten just past my waist. I felt life surging through my body and dropped down and went all the way under. I came up and screamed in excitement. After a minute or so I started to walk back into the shore. The shore was covered in dry, packed snow and as I began to walk on it the water on my feet immediately froze and my feet were sticking to the ground. Radiating steam, and peeling my feet from the ground I got into my truck and blasted the heat. Today, I have a very mild case of frostbite on some of my toes. And I wouldn’t have it any other way!

As I was warming up and driving I thought about how it’s those types of experiences that make me feel more alive than any others I can remember. Similar to making it to the top of a mountain, or engaging in any sort of blood-surging, adrenaline-pumping, nerve-wrecking activities. It is a feeling that is hard to describe and even more difficult to replicate in a controlled environment. Strange how experiencing some of the most uncomfortable situations give you the greatest sense of life. Humility.

This story is a complete work of fiction. Any similarities to real people or events is purely coincidental. The characters and events, as desirable as they may be, are purely constructs of the author’s imagination and have no bearing on any real life the author currently knows.

Legend loved this girl the moment he laid eyes on her. She had beautiful eyes, the piercing type that would allow a peek into her soul. He was most attracted to the calm reserve that revealed a passionate storm immediately under the surface. Her radiant, calm smile, alluring body, and unique feeling of attraction made it hard to put her out of his mind. Legend was slightly consumed by what he felt to be the initial spark of love, before ever speaking a word to her. The simple exchange of eye contact created a feeling of desire that went beyond physical. A feeling that transcended spiritual.

Legend always had trouble with dreams. They were rarely pleasant and rarely even memorable. Fleeting thoughts that seemed to be points on the horizon, far out of reach. Little did Legend know this was to all change. The dreams that were once all but nonexistent presences in his mind one night became things of inspiration, passion, introspection, and an almost poisonous encouragement of desire. One dream, one man, one girl, two souls dancing in the shadows of the dream world, facilitated by the creative imagination and what seemed to be a respectful, silent love of Legend – a man of brethren nature.

It was an ordinary evening, following an ordinary day. The sort of typical evening that followed the typical day. Sleep was found as any other night. Dreams however on this evening would not be of the ordinary nature. They would be realistic; almost too real. The sort of real that created a quiet embarrassment when seeing Kahlan for the first time the next day since the dream. His name for once in his life created justice for his actions. Kahlan and Legend were having a fine evening. Laughing, dancing, and adventure were all contained in Legend’s memory for what the couple had done that evening – though the exact events cannot be recalled. He only knew of the idea of these things happening, and the idea of the figure being Kahlan. It had been real, it HAD been real. Kahlan ended up in trouble and somehow lost consciousness. Legend carried her to her home and tried to revive her, with no avail. He tried to go for help and when he came back officials had arrived at Kahlan’s house and Legend knew entry into the home would spell certain capture of Legend. His exposure almost could not be risked however he knew the officials were not there for Kahlan, and had he not entered, it was absolutely definite that she would not receive the help she needed.

Knowing the grave consequences – of which that would, could, potentially put his life in jeopardy – he forged forward with the arm of love and desire pushing him forward. He made it to her, undetected, and she awoke, with the first action she took in her newly conscious state was to make close, direct eye contact with Legend. His right arm was holding her head up as she lay, to allow a more appropriate diagonal angle between their eyes. They were both completely locked and lost in the gaze. It was something only spoken of in legend, and would be thought of as legend for an eternity to come. Their spirit came from their eyes and danced together in the small distance between themselves. It was primal, subconscious, pure, and uncontrollable. They immediately locked arms and their lips and bodies enveloped each other. Their souls mingled together for what was an immeasurable amount of time and it was the purest and realest experience either of them had ever had. He had saved her, and they shared a soul in the night.

He couldn’t shake what had happened to him that evening as he woke. The visions burned into his mind.. the more he thought about the more permanent and real the experience had become. Seeing her the next day was awkward for him, as he feared she would see directly through his eyes had he made eye contact with her in real life. Had she dreamed the same thing? Had they both felt the same anxiety and embarrassment? The best Legend could do was lock eyes with her and find out how long they could maintain eye contact in the time it took to pass by her. It seemed like an eternity. Who was he kidding? It was foolish to believe that it was real, or that it COULD be real. But deep inside, Legend felt the reality of it, and believed Kahlan felt the same reality, in a similar or identical gravity. He had remembered those eyes like he had stared at them for a lifetime. Surely it couldn’t be purely a construct of his imagination and desire.

To be continued?

I have always been extremely interested and intrigued by dreams. This is due largely to a training program I casually began inspired by frustration. These experiments I tried were very simple, took little time of my own…but an enormous mental effort. Prior to my sudden interest, research, and training, I never dreamed…or at least never remembered them. There is a widely circulated myth/rumor that everyone dreams, regardless of whether or not they remember them – but there are a lot of challenges to this theory. The fact is, we can’t positively know if those who don’t recall dreaming do or do not in fact dream. It is however widely accepted that we do all dream.

I was intrigued by people describing their dreams so vividly and it created a curious envy – as I could never recall having a dream. I started doing some casual research and learned there are ways to improve dream recall, and to even go as far as being able to control your dreams. While most of the population consider dreams to be completely out of our control, Tibetan Buddhists – for centuries – have had complete mastery of their dreams while practicing a form of dream Yoga. Lucid – or conscious – dreaming suddenly became a passion I fervently pursued. The thought of not only being able to dream – or remember – but also to be able to CONTROL my dreams was something that seemed so amazing. I could potentially create any type of world I wanted, and act out as I saw fit. I could, pardon the pun, achieve any dream I wished.

Dreams are thought to be experienced during the R.E.M. stage of sleep, which occurs approximately every 90-120 minutes – about the time it takes to complete all stages of sleep. The number of times this cycle occurs is based on how long you are sleeping and the actual length of the R.E.M. stage – so if you sleep for 7 hours and one cycle of sleep takes 120 minutes, that means you enter the R.E.M. stage approximately 3-4 times. This was affirmed after I progressed to the stage where I had trained myself to wake after each dream to allow myself to transcribe everything I could remember. I was waking – normally – 3 times a night. The longer I went through this process the more detailed my recall had become. With this I began to develop new goals and expectations.

I wanted to not only be able to recall my dreams in great detail, but to be able to control them. To be able to will light switches off, to fly, to meet inspirational figures…the possibilities are by all means vast and endless. This was never a step I took very seriously. To achieve this is to cue yourself to consciousness without ever waking. There are many methods to achieve this but I had some specific methods I had subscribed to. I was training myself to come to consciousness in sleep based on cues that I was mentally ingraining in my waking life. For instance the position of a light switch in relation to the condition of the lights (lights on, switch off), or the effect of moving the position of the light switch has on the condition of the lights. In a dream, events don’t occur entirely with logic. For instance, if the clock on the wall reads 3:30pm and it is pitch black outside, this is a cue. And that is what you “train” for. Walking through the day noting the common effect of normal things helps you to cue to consciousness in a dream as simple logic is too complex to follow in a dream. Observing your reflection properly is thought to be impossible in a dream. It would require too much detailed memory recall. Distorted or no reflection at all, cue consciousness. From what I gather from the research I have conducted, it is difficult for the brain to coordinate these complex and subtle cause and effects. Light switch on, no lights come on. From this subtle event, cue consciousness.

I have achieved this but it takes strict discipline to not awake upon discovery that you are dreaming. It is the most difficult and time-consuming step. If you are blessed with the gift of already dreaming or remembering your dreams, or even better, to regularly dream and recall in vivid detail, the hardest part is already out of the way. Some people can even naturally come to the conclusion they are dreaming but lack the training or knowledge to take control of their experience. 20% of the population report having a lucid dream at least once a month.

A first-step exercise in increasing dream recall frequency and detail: focus on a single object, a candle flame for example, and envelop this object in total blackness. The object should start at a fair distance, and the closer you are to sleep, the closer the object will get (typically, often). It takes some practice, but it is good for concentration. At the same time you are focusing on this object and drifting towards sleep, repeat two to three phrases regarding your sub-conscious goals. Repeat these until you are asleep. some examples:

* “I will remember my dreams in vivid detail tonight.”
* “Dreams are important to me and I remember each one tonight.”
* “I will wake after each dream tonight.”

Do not let any other thoughts enter your mind and follow these focused thoughts until you drift into sleep. To even further your dream recall, keep a notepad by your bed and when you wake after a dream scribble down every detail you can remember. You don’t have to spend a lot of time on it – the point is to focus and think about what you have dreamed. To help to prevent the dream from fleeting from your memory do not move when you wake while you commit the dream to memory. You can program your sub-conscious to do anything you want. You can wake yourself up at a certain time in the morning, same process but a lot simpler. Repeating that you want to wake up at a particular time, it’s important to you… I was a little skeptical of all this in the beginning, but Ithink dreams are an important part of your life, primarily your self-expression and release of feelings and thoughts that cannot be expressed appropriately in your waking life.

Another goal set for the year, whose execution begins today. It started simply as a goal, but along with it I am going to attempt to observe any changes in creative thinking within myself. I am always looking for ways to improve the creative processes and my creativity, and I believe that reading this much creative literature in such a short period of time can potentially have lasting positive effects on the way I think. It may have the same effect as reading the same 7 novels over 7 weeks, but the results should be more measurable, and may even be more profound. May also last for a shorter period of time.

Anything that changes your routine, or challenges you in a different way however will encourage creativity, whether it be short or long term.

My First Summer in the Sierra – John Muir
Guards! Guards! – Terry Pratchett
The Princess Bride – William Goldman
Big Trouble – Dave Barry
The Gunslinger – Stephen King
The Phantom Of The Opera – Gaston Leroux
The Giver – Lois Lowry

Probably will be done in that order. The Giver on the last day. Appropriately so as it is by far the shortest.

There are studies that correlate increased encouragement of creativity to higher creativity. Almost sounds like circular logic (creativity begets creativity), but it’s true. The article below explains it a little better. I would love to read more on the subject. I do firmly believe that if we pay attention and want to increase creative activity in the brain, surrounding yourself in art and expressive works of human creation will aid in this. Even doing a routine activity in a different surrounding can encourage creative thinking.

How To Increase Creativity

Website will be hosted on http://wildreason.org until mid-November. I’m in the middle of transferring hosts and thinksummit.org has a 60-day-after-registration period.

There are two systems that promote change in the human being. Adaptation and evolution. Adaptation is something that can be achieved in one person’s lifetime, and be inherited from one generation to another. Evolution is a slower process, and maintains a much larger scope of change. Evolution can also be described as a change in the genetic material that can be a permanent psychological or physiological adaptation that benefits survival in a changing environment.

What has spurred this idea is how our bodies adapt to continual physical exertion, load, and impact. I think for the most part your physical ability is limited to what was passed down by your parents. If they were inactive their entire lives, it is possible to be given traits that are less resilient than their own. If they were very active and put a constant heavy load on their bodies or minds, their children can inherit abilities that exceed their parents in the same aspect.

This idea can be disparaging in learning that no matter how much you condition, your tendons can only take so much stress in a given time period. But it should be encouraging that your continual drive will ensure that your offspring inherit improvements in areas that you were weak in. This is adaptation. It can revert if your children are lethargic. Their offspring may inherit weaker tendons, muscles, bone structure, etc. If you live your life as a pig, lethargic and gluttonous, you are potentially disadvantageous to the advancement of your children.

Evolution is less short-term, and usually is a much larger development. It is arguable that evolution is constantly advancing, never do we devolve. Adaptation on the other hand can advance or retard certain human levels of performance aspects from one generation to another, or even in the same lifetime.

This idea exemplifies the need to care for our bodies. We only get one, and it is selfish in many aspects to let it go to waste. People who live unhealthy lives put an unfair load on the health care system, pass on weak and unhealthy characteristics to their children, introduce hereditary diseases in their blood line (and more importantly, OUR society), and are more likely to breed less healthy children. There are studies that also indicate that unhealthy people can breed further infirmity through social acceptance. Increasing exposure and making it more of a norm has made it acceptable, and some cases glamorous.

We are taught from a young age to eat large, healthy portions at every meal. We are taught to clean our plates, at any cost. Enormous portions that are offset and processed largely by our highly active childhoods. I remember being held at the dinner table for more than an hour after my father finished eating because I didn’t finish everything on my plate. I was only relinquished from my post when I started to cry. This is a horrible mentality. “Eat because other people are starving!”. Except the gleaming hole in this logic is the fact that those hungry people will be just as hungry whether I stuff my face or not.

Historically people didn’t begin to gain unhealthy amounts of weight in America until they were out of high school or college. This is when most of American’s active lifestyles come to a screeching halt. Unlike many countries in Europe, we don’t encourage adult-based physical activities like soccer, tennis, football, etc after we finish school. They exist, but are not the norm. And now children are eating even less healthier than just ten years ago and they are becoming more and more sedentary. Less active. In a time-crunch, parenting is more frequently being done at McDonalds and in front of a television. This has led to obesity beginning at even earlier ages.

All of these factors are working very hard against our society. We are being pushed fatty, processed, unhealthy food and it happens to be easiest and cheapest way to eat. The media is glamorizing obesity, parents have less time to be parents, children are becoming more sedentary, and even less sedentary when they reach their adult phase. Producing a healthier society by creating a healthier you extends further than just a healthier you. It encourages a healthy lifestyle in the people who you are surrounded, and more importantly, it passes down traits that will lead to healthier children.

Healthy living isn’t something that should be a considered a short-term fad, it should be a lifestyle.

Timp Night Hike – Oct 200914 pictures

This Saturday was a full moon and it had recently dumped some snow up at Timp so I was eager to do my first night hike up one of the most popular mountains in the region. I did Timp once before in July and our moving time was about 10 hours. This summer has really paid off well as it took me significantly less time. There was more snow, it was much, much colder, and a snow storm moved in on me on the way down.

Total distance: 13.55 miles
Elevation gain: 4904 ft
Round trip time: 6:53
Temperature at summit: 25*

The trail head is right above the Timpanooke campground in American Fork Canyon. The campground is just over 8 miles past the ranger station on the right, directly off the 92. There is a sign for it. If doing the hike during the day, it is recommended to get there at 7am or earlier as the parking lot fills up very quickly, and there aren’t really any good parking alternatives that are close. For non-mountaineers late Spring to early Fall is the best time to summit. Bring some shoes with heavy tread if you are expecting any snow at all – if you can’t trust your feet it will be a much less enjoyable hike.

I felt some anxiety preparing and starting out as I have never done a night hike, so it was one of the few times I knew little about what to expect. This was an exciting feeling. I had a headlamp but realized after about a half mile that there was enough light and the trail was marked well enough to not need it. So the walk to the top was done completely with the aid of moonlight only. I am reluctant to look at my watch because by knowing my elevation I can figure out roughly where I am at and it starts a habit of constantly looking, akin to watching the minute hand on a clock.

It was fairly uneventful all the way up to the saddle. There were times I had to do a double take as I thought I saw some sort of wildlife. Before the saddle, none of them were confirmed. I felt an overwhelming drowsy feeling come over me right before I reached the saddle, enough to lay down on the trail and drift off to sleep. I slept for about a half hour, woken only by the cold attacking my extremities. From the saddle to the summit there was a continual 30+mph wind gust nearly freezing my face. I had fluids freezing on my nose almost creating icicles and my beanie was frosting over from the moisture departing my head. This part of the trip was the hardest. At one point I thought my nose was literally going to freeze. I was not expecting it to be so cold! Humbling, however – and a great experience.

When I wrapped around the back side of the mountain I saw some glowing eyes and upon getting a closer look realized it was a red fox! She was staring at me very curiously and suspiciously and around the time I tried to get a picture she disappeared into the shadows. For several minutes I was contemplating what exactly her day entails, and where she went home to for shelter. Did she have any kids? What will she do when the winter becomes extremely harsh? Will she perish or will she hibernate safely in a den somewhere? At any rate, I wish only my best to her.

The remainder of the walk to the top was very grueling with the high gusts of wind and significantly colder temperatures with a even mix of snow and ice covering the trail. I made it to the top and took shelter immediately in the derelict remainder of a weather station. I took my stove out and started to boil some water for some hoooottt Ramen noodles. I did not expect this to take 30+ minutes! There were wind gusts that kept coming through and slowing the process. I nodded off a few times during this process but they finally finished. Cold and tired I hurriedly finished, packed up, and descended to the saddle as fast as possible.

From the top I saw some pretty ominous clouds and the light from the moon was illuminating the precipitation falling from them. There were a few strikes of lightning in the distance. It began to snow on the way down, but it wasn’t cold enough at the elevation to stick and it was moist, like a mix between rain and snow. Near the trail head I caught a glimpse of glowing eyes in the trees and with a closer look it appeared to be some sort of a cat. It was much smaller than a mountain lion.. maybe around the size of a bobcat.

Pick up the broken pieces
Find the strength to believe
Have faith
The pieces will mend

Our time is a molecule on the horizon
Existence in a blink of an eye
Flowing energy, infinite power
Never ending, transferring

Fleeting problems exist only in the now
Find strength in tomorrow
Naturally flowing energy
Creating trusting resolution